It’s a tough time to navigate in the dating world.  If you were nervous to talk to someone before, it hasn’t gotten any easier recently.  I have worked in the nightlife industry for almost a decade and have watched thousands of people use hundreds of methods to approach a potential mate.  Here are some tips I’ve learned during my years of observation that could possibly help you land your Lois Lane or Clark Kent.

1. Be Kind

Really this is a rule for life but also applies to your dating life.  There is a misconception on “negging” where you have to down play a partners strengths to bring their guard down.  As this may work on some you must also consider if the person it works on are in your best interests for a partner.  You want to find a good partner and one who responds to those types of psychological games are probably not the person you want to build a life with.  You want a partner who enjoys your kindness, appreciates it, and reciprocates it.  People in relationships should build each other up, not tear each other down.

2. Be Available

Life can be busy.  We all get caught up in our routines and comfort zones.  Dating will take some effort.  You will have to block out time for it.  Time for opportunities to meet people.  Time to go out on dates.   Time to build a relationship.  There are only so many hours in the day so you may have to cut into other aspects of your life to accommodate for that.  If this is not something you feel you can do then you have your answer next time you question why you are spending another night alone.

3. Be open

Be open to new ideas and experiences.  You are trying to find a new partner that will bring along many.  Don’t shut yourself off to meeting positive people for your life because you are afraid to venture out of your comfort zone.  Try new foods.  Play new games.  Go to new places.  It is good for you and essential to sharing your life with a partner.

4. Be Complimentary

One sure way to let a person know you are interested in them is to vocalize the things that stand out to you in a positive way.  Don’t over do it.  Don’t just blurt out every random thought that comes to mind, but you will see opportunities.  When the conversation comes to a low point.  When you want to change the subject because the conversation is dragging.  You will have opportunities.  Take them to show you notice the things that brought this person into your life and show you see their finer qualities.  How someone receives a compliment often can say a lot about this person also.  Pay attention.

5. Ask more questions

Be interested in the person you are trying to date.  Whether its a first date or a chance encounter, never be the one talking the most.  If you find yourself talking for more then a few sentences ask your partner a question that relates to what you were just saying or changes the conversation completely.  Showing interest in your partner drives the relationship forward and gives you a better understanding of who you are inviting into your life.

6. Be mysterious

This also goes with the previous point.  Don’t ramble on about yourself.  Leave things out of the conversation.  Tell the story of yourself in layers.  Let your partner peel these layers on their own.  If they don’t this alone will say a lot.  Keeping some intrigue will spark future dates and be the thing that brings you closer.  Building a relationship is not a race.  You will have plenty of time to get to know each other.  there is no reason to give everything away in a short amount of time.

7. Be yourself

The most cliche thing to say but also the truest.  Don’t waste your time or your partners by presenting yourself to be something you are not.  Be proud of who you are.  Your interests, your experiences.  These things define who you are and that is what your selling.  You don’t want to build a relationship on a false pretense.   Put yourself in your partners shoes and think about the time wasted after finding out someone you put your effort into turned out to be something else.  A relationship is something to be built and being yourself will set a good foundation.

8. Know your worth

In all my life’s lessons this is the most vital in all aspects.  Confidence is a trait some are born with and some aren’t.  It comes from the realization that you have something to offer the world.  That you have something positive to bring to a relationship.  Don’t let someone make you feel like you are second tier in your relationship.  You have strengths and weaknesses same as your partner.  A relationship is about finding ways to have them compliment each other.  If your partner makes you feel as if you are “lucky” to be in a relationship with them, then they don’t see the value you bring to the relationship or the world.  This will become toxic.  You have value, know it and own it.